Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Best Halloween Ever

When I was a cub, I walked to and from Ashenvale every day with a couple of other cubs from the neighborhood, Wes & Lilteddie. Our shortcut took us down a particular side valley, and in that valley, behind a fence, was a cat named "Nyeh."

What kind of cat was Nyeh? The loud kind. I don't know from breeds; maybe it was the product of an unholy ugly-bumping between Halazzi and an air horn. Maybe a frostsaber got busy with Fran Drescher. Maybe the fuzzfaced little bastard swallowed a Mr. Microphone. I have no idea.

All I know is that any time we got within three trees of that maniacal kitty, he let loose with the most vicious, vociferous, and spittle-and-vinegar-laced tirade I've ever heard come out of a cat's yapper. If that fifty-pound feline could've hopped his mangy ass over the fence, he gave every indication he'd chew each of us a new poop chute, or die trying.

Clearly, Nyeh was a cat begging to be pranked on Halloween.

We had three things working in our favor: first, Halloween was on a Wednesday that year, which meant I didn’t have to go to Karazhan and we'd be walking down the valley near dusk, without need for some elaborate plan or excuse. Second, Nyeh was well-known for incessant roaring around the area, so having him yapping his gums for a few minutes while we set up wouldn't attract undue attention.

Third, and most importantly, the movie “Strays” had come out the year before, putting out-of-control cat attacks firmly on the map. I'd seen the movie myself, and learned afterwards that the crew had a lot of trouble during filming, because the (very realistic) "blood" used during shooting was actually ketchup, and the feline actors kept licking it off their noses.

With that little insider tip, the stage was set. And you can probably imagine how the plan came together.

At lunchtime on Halloween, we snuck off to the local 7-11 and bought two big bottles of "fancy" Heinz ketchup. No regular ketchup -- or God forbid, "catsup" -- for this prank. This was a top-shelf affair, all the way.

At dusk, as usual, we meandered down the valley toward home. And, as usual, Nyeh the loudass cat commenced "ROAR!!!"ing before we were even in sight. Little did he know his own bellyaching would be our cover.

We hustled up to the fence, made sure the cat was hissing right up into our faces, unscrewed one bottle cap, and squooooozed an entire bottle of ketchup right onto Nyeh's kisser. Everywhere, it went -- in his mouth, in his nose, down his chin. Nyeh’s face was positively covered in the tomatoey goodness, and in his surprise, he actually shut the hell up for once.

That's when the back porch light came on at Nyeh's owner's house, and we heard footsteps stomping toward the door, coming to see what the hell was happening. Neyh skittered toward the porch, presumably to tattle on the hooligans giving him a hard time.

Committed to our plan, we had the second bottle ready and squirted ourselves liberally in the breadbaskets. With bright red ketchup glistening on our paws and bellies under the street light, we hopped the low fence and lay in the yard screaming bloody murder.

By the time the jackass owner got to his back door, he had three dying cubs writhing in agony on his back lawn, and a dumbass happy go lucky cat on the porch licking bloody gore off his lips. I don't know whether the guy had seen Strays or not, but he flipped out more or less completely, anyway. He ran toward the cat, shrieked, looked at us, shrieked again, ran away from the cat, and disappeared back inside the house -- whether to pray, pack, or dial 911, I still have no idea.

By the time he'd gathered his wits enough to get within ten feet of the cat and come investigate the "victims," we'd hopped back down the valley and run off cackling into the Halloween gloom. And while we still took the valley shortcut for a couple more years, Nyeh was always tied to a tree after that, away from meddling cubs, ghoulish pranks -- and bottles of Heinz 57.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Dear Frug

I’m pretty popular in the pet circles; it’s understandable. I get questions everyday from pets seeking advice, even a few from their owners. Which would be fine, except that
a) most of you are stupid, and
b) when I’m running down the road do you really really think I’m going to stop to answer the question as to why thistle boars smell the way they do?

So keeping in line with this whole tech thing, you can now email me your questions: the address is . Ask away, and I’ll answer you here. Try to stump me. I guarantee I’ve got an opinion on just about anything.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

No spellchecking necessary

Those dead gnomes in Ironforge laid out to make words......

That was me.

Remember that.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Christmas mail

Yeah, I know I haven't posted anything in a while. Big Deal. I've been busy. I made the mistake of offering to take some of the load off of Father Winter, so the punk starts handing out my email address for wish lists. I can't believe some these:

Dear Santa-Frug,

I wud like a kool new dager fer my rouge four Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all

yer Frend, Roosr

Dear Roosr,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving Pix the dagger. At least HE can spell!

Dear Santa-Frug,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Ysa

Dear Ysa,

Nah, I heard about you. You're getting a thong. And a camera.

Dear Santa-Frug,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
owner’s guild to run MC again, because he’s stabled me until then.
Please see what you can do?

Love, LilTeddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your owner’s busy trying out other pets. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your sorry ass, who cries for food constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice mushrooms instead.

Dear Santa-Frug

I want a helm, a gun, a ring, some trinkets, a necklace, a
Pair of boots, a new mount and a tuba.

Love, Azuae

Dear Azuae,

Who names their kid "Azuae" nowadays? I’m not sure about you , I'll set
you up with a Barbie doll.

_________________ ________________________________________________
Dear Santa-Frug,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Kalyma

Dear Kalyma,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of

Dear Santa-Frug,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making

Your friend, Soup

Dear Soup,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Ashenvale, where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of bear-form druid waitresses while losing
money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Dear Santa-Frug,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?

Love, Lil

Dear Lil,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Dear Santa-Frug,

I really really want a DM key this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?



That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater

Dearest Santa-Frug,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Brog


First, stop calling yourself "Brog", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,


Thursday, August 31, 2006

Keg....and Lilt Eddie ?

Whoo, took a trip into Dun Morough with Idiot the other day. Same old story: he flies out on some butt-ugly moose-bird thing, lands flying some bird-lion creation (I really would’ve hated to see the mating to get these two)…..and of course, I run. And swim. And run. Man, I hate him.

Anyway, we’re there. Idiot is thirsty, cause after all butt-ugly flights will do that to you so he goes into the bar there. Wait, I’m sorry….they prefer the term “pub”. And by they – it’s all these guys that look like they went through garbage compactor and it left them short & stocky – with an absolutely hilarious disposition. Yep..the dwarves. I know I’ve said it before, but I just crack up when I see these guys.

We go in, and almost immediately, Idiot’s told he needs to leave me outside. Wha? Outside? Bite me. I’m not staying outside just because some little midget with almost as much hair on his back as me says so. I got an idea short, tough guy – how about YOU escort me out? See my claw knuckles? I’ve got the letters D-W-A-R-F tattooed on each of ‘em….yep, just for you. Nobody’s gonna tell me I can’t stay inside.

So I go outside, like they said. At least I’m not alone…there’s some other ‘pets’ out here I make some small talk…a few recognize me from the Frug-Crush episode at Wes’ place. Whatever.. I’ll never live that down.

Had one bear there that kept eyeballin me though….I can’t stand that. Never have. So I approach him and introduce myself. He says his name is Lilt…. Lilt Eddie.

Hmmm. I’ve never heard of a pet with a first & last name, but what the hell, ok….so we’re talking and I find out that his idiot is in the same guild as mine. He knows Wes; they run around in the same circles – so that’s cool. But after every sentence, he’d say something like “yep, that’s me…Lilt….Lilt Eddie”…awright, pretty dam weird but whatever. And he was nervous, and I couldn’t understand why. Until…HE walked out the pub.

Not incredibly different from the other funny look squashed men, this guy was loud. REAL loud. Had a beer in one hand, and a keg strapped over his shoulder. He was stumblin’ out the pub actually….when the bartender ran out and screamed “Kegger, you didn’t pay for that!” This guy turns around and says “bah you say tomato, I say f@*k you". Another bar worker ran out too and tried to take the keg away from this “Kegger” and he proceeded to calmly put the pint of beer down, but still holding the keg…beat the hell out of that guy.

When he was done, he leaned over to the pulp on the ground and said, “Haven't had the pleasure of meeting ya let me introduce myself. I am KEGGER the token rude, crude, and socially unacceptable dorf.”

I thought…oh…my…I love this guy.

Then it hit me…Wes had told me about him, his travels, tribulations…and his quips. No one messed with him….many thought they’d wait until he got too drunk to fight straight…but the little thing never gets drunk. I tried to get his attention, I guess hoping he’d go drag Idiot out of the pub for me, but he didn’t pay any attention to me. But he recognized Lilt Eddie….or at least that’s what he wanted his name to be.

Kegger saw him and hollered in his own way…..”c’mere Lil’ Teddie, you old creampuff sum bitch…where’s your owner Selluh-borni”

Lil Teddie? Lil Teddie? Teddie? Like Teddy Bear? You gotta be kidding me.

The bear felt like crap…it’s all good, though...not his fault…makes me feel better knowing my idiot isn’t the only one natural selection passed over.

But this Kegger guy is definitely cool. I’m gonna watch him.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Oh man, what a week. I’m still trying to put it all together but it has been just crazy. Me and Idiot were in Tanaris and I happened to come across this purple lotus bush. Now, I’ve never had purple lotus before but I had heard that it can be some pretty strong stuff if you eat it. Idiot wasn’t looking and I grabbed some for later. My boy Wes was having a party at his stable one night – his chick owner is working on some fighting test right now (I dunno, that’s what he told me ) so he’s got a free night. Party, then obviously. I show up, lotus in paw, ready. I grabbed some Winterfall Firewater and had me a little lotus hoping for a little feel-good.

That’s when it got weird.

Wes says it was as if I was a different bear….at least a whole different personality. I was calling myself Frug-Crush. Apparently I was telling everyone how I was the best dam bear in Azeroth and that using some math practice only a blood elf could understand, if there were a ranking system – I was #1. Wes tried to get me to chill out, and I told him I’d hunt his @$$ down and take him out… “ I am Frug-Crush; you can’t tell me what to do” I pulled out the Frug-top and started blasting away on different forums about how the other posters sucked compared to me and that I, Frug-Crush, should be admired and honored due to my vast superiority.
So the unthinkable happened. Wes beat my ass. Hard. Threw a kick at me that I later found out he learned from watching that chick owner of his and knocked me out….when I came to, I was hurting but normal.

Wes is still telling me about some of the other things that happened. Like I seem to have called this dwarf named Keg-something in the middle of the night and told him off.

This, as I understand it, was a big mistake. Ugh.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Swipe. Music to my ears.

I think while Idiot goes play with his orphan punk, I'm going to go on a quest of my own.

I'm going to search Stormwind Keep and find those guys that are always singing/chanting every time I walk in there. It was okay for the first time I walked in there, but for the love of Aggramar, enough's enough.

Gimme some Foghat, man.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Kid, go away.

I think I’m about ready to leave Stormwind. This morning I wake up only to find this little punk sitting right next to me…face all a mess with ice cream, dripping the crap all over my fur – all I could do is wonder “now what did Idiot do, now?” He’s got to take take this kid all over the world it seems and he’s determined to do it…and bring me along. Nope. Not me. See, this is why he keeps Frig the cat in the stable – kids like cats more than bears, and I promise you I will swipe at the first little punk who calls me Yogi or “Poo”. He needs to pull that dam cat out and put him to some use. I flat out refuse to cater to this kid’s whim. And Idiot plans to do all of this to get a PET! Now not a cool pet, like a snake or something…but things like a turtle, or a rat. Oh yeah, that’s really worth nuttin’ up and hitting the road for adventure. I need to risk my life for Speedy the Turtle.
It’s not all bad, I guess…I just whizzed on the extra ice cream the kid had in the back. Not my fault you stepped out to play keep away with some girl and her doll.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006


I was running around Stormwind with Idiot and kept getting all these weird looks from whomever we passed. I wanted to just swipe at all of them but they weren't trying to start anything....nah, in fact they acted like me & Idiot were special. This much about me, I knew...but him? Great. Just what I he's going to get a big head. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it made those damn ears fit to we're walking around, and finally people are seeing me for the awesome bear I am. Initially I wasn't sure why, but after a while it hit me. We joined a guild....Righteous Warriors. Apparently these boys & girls are one of the bigger & well respected groups around and the townfolk here love 'em. Well I had to find out just what makes 'em so big & bad....and more to the point, what in the hell did they see in Idiot? I mean, this guy usually grabs the sharp end of the sword going into a fight - not the brightest elf in the world. But maybe, just maybe, this "Righteous Warrior" group could make him respectable. So I took a close look.


A bunch of bear wannabe's (including Idiot's friend, I saw her), some hunters like Idiot, but a bunch of others - many that are little itty bitty things....swords dragging behind them on the ground...any other time, they'd be a snack. Yessir, gnomes. I'll call 'em lil' Righteous Warriors.

There's stories galore about them - and even little special groups within this guild. One story caught my eye -

There's a group of who call themselves "The Wipe Crew" They try to do the impossible, and that's all good, blah blah, whatever....but I found out that their leader is Wes...a bear. A very big bear. He's so cool...he's the tank in the group, he can heal himself, he doesn't listen to ANYONE. He refuses clam meat & cheap fish....he's the real deal. Now, I've got Idiot, but he's got his own to deal with...I keep telling him he's got it better than me, cuz at least he goes to the cool places, killing dragons, peeing in lava...while I'm stuck in Stranglethorn Vale with a bunch of goblins. That's a load. He tells me how 'The Wipe Crew' got its name is up for interpretation: they say it's because they go into all of these rough places and get wiped out, but still keep going....Wes says it's named after him wiping everything in front of him out, paving their way.

All things being equal. My vote's for the bear.

I did ask Wes his opinion of what RW might see in Idiot. His answer? "Probably not much, they refer to him as "Alt".

Heh, I'll have to use that - I'm sure it's not nice.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

From the mailbag..

This is a good one:
Whine, whine, whine. Man, you don't know how good you have it. You complain that you have to eat clam meat? The demons I keep as slaves would LOVE to get their evil little mitts on some clam meat. Sometimes I'll go to a restaurant and order like a 24-ounce steak, and of course since I'm a petite little gnome I can't eat the whole thing, so I'll just have a few bites and then throw the rest away. That really ticks 'em off, especially my felhunter.

I tell you, your Idiot is even more of a sap than most hunters. If I ever discovered this kind of insolence from one of my minions, I guarantee you there would be more punishment in store than just a meal of fungus. Next time your Idiot is hanging out with a warlock buddy, try chatting it up with whatever pitiful demon is working the shift that day. If they're allowed to speak at all (I cut the tongues out of my demons long ago) they'll relate stories of pain, woe, and anguish so deep and black that mortal creatures cannot comprehend them. That oughtta put things into perspective.

Don't complain about your little stable either. When not in use, my minions languish in a personal hell so depraved that they practically leap for joy once I summon them back.

Man, your sob stories have me so wound up right now. I think I'll go to Darkshore and start murdering bears out of spite.

love, Crystalis

Awright, first're a gnome. I wipe myself with little things like you. You're going to Darkshore to hit the bears there? Heck I'll join you, that whole rabid thistle thing is a joke. Grimclaw is a puddin. You want to impress me? Eat a bear steak in Winterspring.
And that whole thing about your minions being slaves, and cutting their tongues out?? Ummm, that's a little over the top...even for me. You must be a riot at parties. Shame you can't wear leather, cuz it seems as though you'd be all over it..spikes and all. "Say my name, SAY MY NAME....oh wait, the tongue thing..."
Frankly, I thing all you warlocks are repressed deviants...sorta feel sorry for that imp. And it's no mere coincidence that you call summon a suck-ubus....

So, in summary: You're a gnome. But I love you too.

Everyone should check out Crys''s in the links column...

Sunday, January 29, 2006


So I woke one morning and found myself, paws still a little sore, in a stable. A Stable? What in Azeroth would I be doing in a stable? No Idiot around, no Wannabe around...I didn't see anyone from Rabid Wolves or The Committed around..Great, another wonderful mystery for me to figure out. Or so I thought.

About an hour later, I see Idiot running in - I actually was happy to see him. Confused still, but happy. But then it became clear...I had competition. HE HAD A CAT WITH HIM! I called him over, and called him on it...What's the deal? He said the cat's name was Frig. uh-uh, no gotta be kidding. That smug little cat, his butt is mine when I get out of here.

Which better be soon.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I'll be limping for a bit

OK, so you know that portal taking you from Darnassus to R'Utheran Village? Two steps to the right of the entrance....sticker patch.

My paws are covered. Does Idiot care? Awww no...he just hops around, trying to do a flip cuz he's excited about flying on one of those bear-butt ugly things to Darkshore.

Me? I guess I get to swim there...yay. At least it'll be a little soothing on the paws.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Ahem...a word, please

Please pay close attention to this Public Service Announcement brought to by Frug:

For those of you who run around Azeroth screaming "Leeeeeroy Jenkins", you're not cool. In fact, those who are cool make fun of you. Think about this.

I'm a bear, and I'd rather spend my time on my Frug-top doing this than killing the deer in Ashenvale. By most bear-standards, I'm a geek-bear. But I'm cooler than you.

Thursday, January 05, 2006


So where have I been? Hibernation. Every bear's gotta do it, and I ain't any different. Course, I wake up and EVERYTHING is changed! Idiot's not a "Rabid Wolf" anymore and just a couple of days ago I hear him walking around saying that he's one of "The Committed". let's get out the Frug-top and a cup of coffee (in a Frug-off mug available by clicking on the link to the right) and let's see what it is to be 'committed'. One definition I found is to be "morally bound". Hmmm. I don't even know what in the hell that really means. I'm guessin' that means he followed Wannabe, cuz the girl-who-sounds-like-a-guy-and-can-change-into-something-like-a-bear is back around. Great. That's what I need. Or maybe by being "committed" it's that Idiot has finally recognized he ain't all there. Heck, I could've told him that when he first gave me a mushroom. Now he tells me I'm 'committed' too.

Man, I hadn't done anything in the last month except sleep. You can't blame anything on me.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


So I was diggin’ in Idiot’s closet, hoping to find some of that food Wannabe sent to him a while back, but I came across something better. Much better.
Seems my good ole boy was trying to make a move on this lady. She was a seamstress or something. I remember they would talk in chats and mail, but it was some time before they met. One night, Idiot said he was going to meet her…came back really upset. I did my pet thing, walked up to him & could sense he was upset….so I did what every good pet does. Peed on his bow.
Anyways, I found this note that I guess he wanted to send to her, but never finished it. Now it makes sense why he doesn’t talk about her anymore. Man, I wish I had seen this note earlier:

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of another hunter whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short. Not gnome-short, but short. I’m a hunter; I can’t wear anything stronger than leather until I prove myself. What am I supposed to do? I know you like cloth – I really do too, but you know…the guys…..

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Epic leather pants. They’re for Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it. I'm very tough, you know...I fight often without my bear...

I found the pants. Ultimately they were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly months. I’m pulling them out to taunt Idiot. Heh, heh…..tough guy....

Monday, October 17, 2005

in da butt?!?

Frug note: I found me a little den mother over the weekend, so I'll be taking some time away from the Frug-top, this here's a guest post from Panzer - who seems to have some bigger problems than me at the moment.

You will not believe what happened to me the other day. Lyoness said it was time for me to go to the vet. Being a wild animal, I thought.."what the hell is a VET." I had several thoughts that crossed my mind of what a vet was but nothing compaired to what it ended up being.

1. Being a new type of meat.
2. Being another place for me to run all the way too while the idiot takes a flight.

First Lyoness got this huge crate and stuffed me in it while I fight to try to run out the front door. I actualy made it the first time but the second time. Idiot wraped me up in some Runecloth fabric and stuffed me inside the crate and shut the door. I was stuck while Idiot laughed at me getting untangled from the Runecloth. Then she had a whole bunch of other people tie the crate up on the back of a Griffon.
I was actualy glad that I didnt have to run for once. Although the constant bouncing around inside the crate gave me a few bumps on the head. So here I am, stuck in a crate and wondering WHAT THE HELL is a VET??

We arrive in Stormwind and now the Idiot lets me out of this stupid box that I was stuffed in against my will. I should sue that Idiot for messing up my fur. Course Idiot doesnt care.. oh well.. have to see what this VET thing is.

We walk into a building and before I know it.. some dude wearing a white coat is stuffing things in the WRONG place and saying I need a Rabies shot and pulls this other object and stabs me in the butt with it."Then he says don't you feel better?"
The only way I am going to fell better is when I bite his hand off and stuff it where the sun doesnt shine. GRRRR.

Well now I know what the Vet is.. Some person in a white coat just asking for a decapitation. And speaking of Decapitation..... maybe I should decapitate my Idiot as well. - Panzer

Friday, October 14, 2005

and I bet your momma picks up your room, too

Idiot's not so bad. There's some good things about him, but I just can't get over how dumb he and his 'kind' can be. Always looking to do stuff for other people, it's as if they're all on a special mission or quest to be the HANDMAID of the true losers of the world. For the love of moonkin meat, can't you just tell the sap to go get his own book just down the road?

"Go get this book I left near the bedpan"...."Ohhhh, Thank can you get my glasses? They were right next to the book...oh but hurry!"

If it were me? I tell you what, how about after you finish wiping yourself, you pick up your own book and bring it with you. Preferably AFTER you wash your hands. What? You need your glasses? Yeah, I saw 'em....and dropped 'em in the bedpan. Maybe you should've tried to mooch someone into cleaning THAT before you started trying to get someone to get the book, lazy punk.

It baffles me how they can get away with it, but then again when I sit back and take a look at Idiot and Wannabe - it's all put in perspective.

Hey Idiot! You see me? See how I'm not smiling? You wanna get the show on the road, dig in those bags and gimme some meat? No, I don't want the mushrooms over there....YOU can't see the bedpan, but I know why those shrooms are so tall...

What do you mean you need to get some orphan kid some ice cream from a goblin just around the corner?!?! If I don't get fed, you'll look pretty funny with an ice cream cone stuck up your......

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Here we go again...

I was in Stormwind, just outside the bank by the fountain (I had to go and that's my favorite spot around there) when I saw this little gnome having a hell of a time trying to walk around with this armor much too big for him. Man, I was enjoying see ing this sight..and I wasn't alone; some elves were messing with him. "Does your mom know you're wearing your dad's chestplate?" This little dude got pretty chapped. "YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH ME. I GOT A GANG, A POSSE, WE'RE LIKE THE MAFIA.....I'M GONNA HIT YOU WITH ONE OF THE MANY EGGS I KEEP"

Eggs? Who in the hell keeps eggs with them? A posse? gang? Mafia? What is this, World of HBO? The elves were laughing, he was getting more & more pissed, so I walked up to him and smacked him. Had to. I can't stand hearing a gnome whine.

His helment flew off...and instantly I realized this was the person Wannabe and Idiot sometimes talked about. The "Q man". He was a sap. "I'm gonna get my gang to take you out" Whack. Shaddup Q. "I'm gonna...." Whack. Stupid. "I'm..." Whack. Dam, boy get the hint.

Idiot finally got done in the bank rearranging all his stuff (the pack rat) and pulled me off the little punk.

But not before I peed on him. Like I said, that was my favorite spot.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Toy R Us in Loch Modan

You guys are giving me better material than I could ever come up with....

What up Frug,
I feel like the coolest bear around. My pet Dwarf got together with the rest of the guild to take another picture outside of Stormwind, and who should be right up front dead center? Me, baby! Who needs your name on the roll sheet when you get props like that? The way I figure it, you just have to keep your “handler” in line. Let them know that without you they are nothing. Then all of a sudden, you’ll find them trying out new recipes. No more raw spider meat, now your getting spider-ka-bobs. For instance, I was running behind my dwarf (Scuttle-something-or-another) the other day in Loch Mondan, and decided to stop to catch my breath. Moron didn’t notice and just kept on running! Next thing you know, his little dwarf butt is getting railed on by some mean looking Ogres and I’m laughin my fur off just watching. I’m guessing that’ll be the last time he forgets to make sure I’m step for step with him.
- Ruxpin

The coolest bear around?

Dude, he named you "Ruxpin" - as in "Teddy Ruxpin", a 5 year old's dream in the early 1980's. Your namesake is smaller than a gnome and does less damage than a wisp fart.

Yep, you got him wrapped around your claw. Grrr...whatever...

oooh boy.....NEXT.


Sunday, October 09, 2005

I'd be careful...

Dear Frug,

The advice you gave me about taking a dump in my owners shoes was not a very good idea. I found out very fast that my idiot owner actualy does have some beast mastery after all.
I have to admit it was funny watching the expression as my idiot put her shoe on in the morning, but all of a sudden I found myself being dragged by the scruff of my neck and getting my nose shoved into the shoe which I left my big surprise in. Now how would you feel if your idiot shoved your face in your own poo???!! Then the next thing I know .... my idiot owner is giving 50 silver pieces to some vender in Wetlands and gets The Daily Aggramar Transcript and rolls the paper up and proceeds who whack me on the butt while yelling "Bad Panzer! Bad Bad Bad Panzer!" I am begining to think my idiot owner maybe a bit more intellegent than your lazy butt idiot. GRRRR...-Panzer

Panzer, what I'm thinkin is that your owner is actually more interested in you than you realize and might just..well, like it rough. All that "Bad Panzer" stuff makes me think she's into a little different roleplaying.

Sleep with your back to the wall.


Saturday, October 08, 2005


Idiot saw my 'observations' about Tabledancer. Apparently, her guild is known as "Udderly Dead" not "Dead Udders".

Oh. OK. That changes everything.

Idiot says he runs around with them sometimes. I need to figure that one out.


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Great...Mad Cow

OK, so you remember that post about me not wanting to see a naked Tauren covered in whip cream?

Frug, OK buddy I resent that statement. First I am a tauren and second my line of work includes me to cover myself in whipcream from time to time. Sticks and Stome won't break my bones, but Tauren Horns will Hurt you.- Tabledancer

Wonderful, so now I've got some horny dairy cow trying to call me out. Man, I need to get out of Ashenvale and find this 'Tabledancer'....I did some checking and I think she's got some gang that calls themselves 'Dead Udders' or something. For some reason, I'm not all that scared.

Next thing you know, I'll be getting heckled from someone in the 'Spoiled Nipples' guild.

All this talk of cow is making me hungry.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I got mail

Panzer said...
Welcome back Frug... I have been needing to speak with you about my Idiot owner. Some nightelf that has turquoise hair. She likes runing in circles getting lost in dungeons and need I say more also likes to take scuicide missions off the side of the high cliffs of Telsadril! I think I will join your movement of Animal Rights.

You gotta understand, it's not really animal rights. There's some real stupid animals out there. Like those crabs. I saw a crab the other day running around with a dwarf and the crab's name was "Fang". Wha? OK, I know - the dwarf is a little ugly idiot for naming the crab that, but the fact that the crab seemed to be all giddy with the "aye, doncha know...I'm a dwarf with crabs" type of attitude. He's just dumb. Start boiling the water, add crab boil and potatoes. Beats the hell out of clam meat, at least.

But to your problem. You've got an elf who likes to jump off the side of a mountain. You need to help her focus on something else. So take a dump in her shoes.
Glad I could help.


Thursday, September 29, 2005

Dear Frug

I’m pretty popular in the pet circles; it’s understandable. I get questions everyday from pets seeking advice, even a few from their owners. Which would be fine, except that
a) most of you are stupid, and
b) when I’m running down the road do you really really think I’m going to stop to answer the question as to why thistle boars smell the way they do?

So keeping in line with this whole tech thing, you can now email me your questions: the address is . Ask away, and I’ll answer you here. Try to stump me. I guarantee I’ve got an opinion on just about anything.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Finally, the Frug has come back...

Stormwind City

Ever have one of those weeks? Well, I don’t care – I’ve got problems of my own.

I saw on the guild forum a few of you ‘braver’ souls tried to call me out. Yeah, real tough hiding behind a firewall and all – your parents must be so proud. Pink slips, spankins…it’s easy to see why we’re feared across the land.

It’s not like I didn’t have anything to say, I just couldn’t get it out. The Wi-Fi network in Ashenvale went out. Seems as though someone in the inn was surfing for tauren porn and downloaded a virus or something. Pretty sad; I heard it was a paladin…bald headed guy, had a simple, plain name, not unlike John or Bill or something. I heard he was so distraught he had a breakdown and went PvP on everyone. Anyway, so I couldn’t get my laptop (or as I call it, the Frug-top) online until Idiot decided to go somewhere else. I was pumped when he got off his butt to go somewhere, but he went to Stonetalon. What in the blue hell is there in Stonetalon? If you ask me, nothing but weird sickos. I sat and thought about just how it was that there was a beast that was part lion, part bird…what kind of sick mating was that? Then we went a little further..Harpies…part chick, you know, a girl….and part…well…chick, a bird. That’s just wrong. So we ran back to the flight path in Stonetalon and it’s there I realized I had just seen the worse: an elf. With a deer-butt & legs. And antlers. How gross. All I know is that if anyone around here starts walking towards me with a smile on his face I’m gonna gut him. Sick. I was glad we got out of there.

We ended up in Stormwind City (Idiot flew, I ran of course) and thankfully their Wi-Fi is up so I can post again. The powers that be, and I don’t quite know who that is, have decided to make ‘Frug Off’ a blog..ok, whatever. They say that way, you girls can make comments on what I say. I’m still learning about this web stuff.

I’ll be fine as long as I don’t come across some naked tauren covered in whip cream…


Monday, September 26, 2005

8-05-2005, Westfall
It seems as though you may be upsetting some of the other pets in the guild. Some of the guild members are claiming to get ‘the eye’ from their pets, as if in a sign of distrust. With that in mind, I’ve been instructed to insist you cease from enticing the pets in RWOA. Failure to comply may lead to disciplinary action. Thanks for your attention to this matter. “
I got this note one morning next to my (poor excuse of a) bed from my idiot. You gotta be kidding me. First off, puddin-boy can’t get the guts to talk to me. He wrote a note. Wow, no wonder you’ve got ME going toe-to-toe with everything….surprised you don’t send them a note saying “please die” – anyways, I gave Idiot my answer by relieving myself on his bow & arrows. Heh…guess that clam meat was good for something after all. That note did force to take a close look at some of the other pets. Saw a couple bears, wolves, a spider, some snake thing….and then I saw it. I thought Idiot was bad. I thought Wannabe was the worst I had seen. But this takes the cake: A mechanical pet. Like a squirrel or something. Who in the world calls a bucket of bolts their pet? That’s just wrong. It creaks, buzzes, you hear all these gears….and THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING!! No bite, no growl…heck, no lasers from their little mechanical squirrel eyes….they’re just there. What kind of help is that?? It’s bad enough I’ve got to compete with spiders and wolves but now I need to worry about robots? It’s the gnomes making these things, I know….I’ve always thought they could be the easy track to bulking up for hibernation. Gotta pick my moment….
Well, all for now….but for all of you that are worried about ‘the eye’ you may be getting from your pets? Well, it ain’t cuz of me. You need to ask yourself a couple of questions: when was the last time I let my pet have some ‘quality time’ with another of his kind? You sure you’re reading that “eye” right?
I suppose that’d be one good thing about a robot chicken. Loser.


7-14-2005 , Ashenvale
Well, that first column went over like a fart in Teldrassil with my idiot. Since I said I didn’t want the clam meat, now I’m stuck with bread. Bread. What kind of fool expects a bear to do his best by eating bread. So I left him know I don’t like it….and he threatens me with nothing but some fungus food. I’m gonna SO waste him when he’s in his ‘state of rest’.
And about his friend, the wannabe bear..I’m about done with her/him/whatever, too. We’re heading towards the big city across the ocean or something – I think Idiot wanted to meet up with the guild-who-won’t-recognize-me and when we get there, Wannabe is there. OK, fine, I don’t care – I’m talking with the other pets like Ravager and Spidermon, when all of the sudden Wannabe turns into her faux bear form and gets RIGHT OVER ME! She can’t stand still, moving all around. You gotta be kiddin me. There’s gnomes here, you don’t do that. Idiot tells her to leave me alone – good thing cuz I was about to gut her. And I can, too. She said it was just because Idiot keeps crying because I’m so small. I can’t help it if when he ‘tamed me’ (his term, not mine – I got issues there, too), I shrunk. You think I like becoming smaller!?!? Half the reason I’m tolerating all this running he’s doing is that I hope he can loot some type of bear-growth charm.
Now, about this trip to visit his friends. We’re in Ashenvale, and he hops on this flying thing that looks worse than Wannabe’s backside. And he flys away…great. I gotta run to Darkshore, now. What’d he think, that when he took flight I just faded away and would reappear at his beckon call? Fortunately he let me take the boat with him….and then here we go again…I gotta run through the Wetlands, Loch Modan, Searing Gorge (real fun), Blasted Lands…finally getting to this big city. And we didn’t even go in! We took a picture. Woo-woo. I figure after all that we’d take a break. Nope. I gotta run all the way back to Ashenvale. And what do I get for all that? A mushroom.


7-12-2005 , Ashenvale
Hello, I’m Frug… I’m a member of RWOA….well ok, I’m not on the ‘official’ roster since I’m just a bear. My idiot hunter/owner is, though. And since it’s not like I can leave him and start “Rabid Thistle Bears of Auberdine” or something, here I am. Note to whomever is in charge: I should be recognized in the guild. I’ve kicked more butt than my owner as he stays far far away with his little bow and arrows, acting like he’s Green Arrow or Robin Hood…whatever... and he’s got this friend….I dunno…looks like a girl, talks like a guy, but seems ok….and then WHOA…this chick turns into a bear?! Mind you, she's not a real bear. The ears are all wrong, the walk isn’t right….one thing I can’t stand is a ‘wannabe’. But my idiot hunter, in all his infinite wisdom runs with a chick-who-sounds-like-a-guy-but-wants-to-be-a-bear. Yeah, and I’m the one who needs to be trained. I hear all this smack about, “once I get to level blah blah blah, I’m going to put my points into yada yada yada yada…..” Yeah, fine whatever, geek-elf-boy..just feed me. It's the least you can do for me keeping you alive. And no more clam meat. Would you give your momma clam meat? I don’t think so. I know I’m your heavy, the one that saves your butt, but I ain’t planning to do it with clam breath….
Well, why am I here? Apparently, while it seems I’m “not valuable enough” to be on the guild roster, all my griping has done something. I figure they thought I’d shut up if I was busy doing ‘web work’ (HELLO?!?! I’m a b-e-a-r)..but, I’m gonna show them. I got things to say and this is where I’m gonna say it. Check back from time to time so I can tell you the brilliant things my idiot puts me through.
But I’m not alone though: My bud, Pads feels the same way…he’s just waiting for the right moment to off his guy. With all the teasing he gets in the pet circles, it’s only a matter of time. I might get him and some of the others to send something in. Wannabe bears and cats aren't welcome, of course.
Oh, gotta go…here comes idiot with food…oh what’s this? Oh lookeeeee.....spider meat...Greaaaat, you rotten piece of….