Thursday, August 31, 2006

Keg....and Lilt Eddie ?

Whoo, took a trip into Dun Morough with Idiot the other day. Same old story: he flies out on some butt-ugly moose-bird thing, lands flying some bird-lion creation (I really would’ve hated to see the mating to get these two)…..and of course, I run. And swim. And run. Man, I hate him.

Anyway, we’re there. Idiot is thirsty, cause after all butt-ugly flights will do that to you so he goes into the bar there. Wait, I’m sorry….they prefer the term “pub”. And by they – it’s all these guys that look like they went through garbage compactor and it left them short & stocky – with an absolutely hilarious disposition. Yep..the dwarves. I know I’ve said it before, but I just crack up when I see these guys.

We go in, and almost immediately, Idiot’s told he needs to leave me outside. Wha? Outside? Bite me. I’m not staying outside just because some little midget with almost as much hair on his back as me says so. I got an idea short, tough guy – how about YOU escort me out? See my claw knuckles? I’ve got the letters D-W-A-R-F tattooed on each of ‘em….yep, just for you. Nobody’s gonna tell me I can’t stay inside.

So I go outside, like they said. At least I’m not alone…there’s some other ‘pets’ out here I make some small talk…a few recognize me from the Frug-Crush episode at Wes’ place. Whatever.. I’ll never live that down.

Had one bear there that kept eyeballin me though….I can’t stand that. Never have. So I approach him and introduce myself. He says his name is Lilt…. Lilt Eddie.

Hmmm. I’ve never heard of a pet with a first & last name, but what the hell, ok….so we’re talking and I find out that his idiot is in the same guild as mine. He knows Wes; they run around in the same circles – so that’s cool. But after every sentence, he’d say something like “yep, that’s me…Lilt….Lilt Eddie”…awright, pretty dam weird but whatever. And he was nervous, and I couldn’t understand why. Until…HE walked out the pub.

Not incredibly different from the other funny look squashed men, this guy was loud. REAL loud. Had a beer in one hand, and a keg strapped over his shoulder. He was stumblin’ out the pub actually….when the bartender ran out and screamed “Kegger, you didn’t pay for that!” This guy turns around and says “bah you say tomato, I say f@*k you". Another bar worker ran out too and tried to take the keg away from this “Kegger” and he proceeded to calmly put the pint of beer down, but still holding the keg…beat the hell out of that guy.

When he was done, he leaned over to the pulp on the ground and said, “Haven't had the pleasure of meeting ya yet..so let me introduce myself. I am KEGGER the token rude, crude, and socially unacceptable dorf.”

I thought…oh…my…I love this guy.

Then it hit me…Wes had told me about him, his travels, tribulations…and his quips. No one messed with him….many thought they’d wait until he got too drunk to fight straight…but the little thing never gets drunk. I tried to get his attention, I guess hoping he’d go drag Idiot out of the pub for me, but he didn’t pay any attention to me. But he recognized Lilt Eddie….or at least that’s what he wanted his name to be.

Kegger saw him and hollered in his own way…..”c’mere Lil’ Teddie, you old creampuff sum bitch…where’s your owner Selluh-borni”

Lil Teddie? Lil Teddie? Teddie? Like Teddy Bear? You gotta be kidding me.

The bear felt like crap…it’s all good, though...not his fault…makes me feel better knowing my idiot isn’t the only one natural selection passed over.

But this Kegger guy is definitely cool. I’m gonna watch him.