Thursday, September 29, 2005

Dear Frug

I’m pretty popular in the pet circles; it’s understandable. I get questions everyday from pets seeking advice, even a few from their owners. Which would be fine, except that
a) most of you are stupid, and
b) when I’m running down the road do you really really think I’m going to stop to answer the question as to why thistle boars smell the way they do?

So keeping in line with this whole tech thing, you can now email me your questions: the address is . Ask away, and I’ll answer you here. Try to stump me. I guarantee I’ve got an opinion on just about anything.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Finally, the Frug has come back...

Stormwind City

Ever have one of those weeks? Well, I don’t care – I’ve got problems of my own.

I saw on the guild forum a few of you ‘braver’ souls tried to call me out. Yeah, real tough hiding behind a firewall and all – your parents must be so proud. Pink slips, spankins…it’s easy to see why we’re feared across the land.

It’s not like I didn’t have anything to say, I just couldn’t get it out. The Wi-Fi network in Ashenvale went out. Seems as though someone in the inn was surfing for tauren porn and downloaded a virus or something. Pretty sad; I heard it was a paladin…bald headed guy, had a simple, plain name, not unlike John or Bill or something. I heard he was so distraught he had a breakdown and went PvP on everyone. Anyway, so I couldn’t get my laptop (or as I call it, the Frug-top) online until Idiot decided to go somewhere else. I was pumped when he got off his butt to go somewhere, but he went to Stonetalon. What in the blue hell is there in Stonetalon? If you ask me, nothing but weird sickos. I sat and thought about just how it was that there was a beast that was part lion, part bird…what kind of sick mating was that? Then we went a little further..Harpies…part chick, you know, a girl….and part…well…chick, a bird. That’s just wrong. So we ran back to the flight path in Stonetalon and it’s there I realized I had just seen the worse: an elf. With a deer-butt & legs. And antlers. How gross. All I know is that if anyone around here starts walking towards me with a smile on his face I’m gonna gut him. Sick. I was glad we got out of there.

We ended up in Stormwind City (Idiot flew, I ran of course) and thankfully their Wi-Fi is up so I can post again. The powers that be, and I don’t quite know who that is, have decided to make ‘Frug Off’ a blog..ok, whatever. They say that way, you girls can make comments on what I say. I’m still learning about this web stuff.

I’ll be fine as long as I don’t come across some naked tauren covered in whip cream…


Monday, September 26, 2005

8-05-2005, Westfall
It seems as though you may be upsetting some of the other pets in the guild. Some of the guild members are claiming to get ‘the eye’ from their pets, as if in a sign of distrust. With that in mind, I’ve been instructed to insist you cease from enticing the pets in RWOA. Failure to comply may lead to disciplinary action. Thanks for your attention to this matter. “
I got this note one morning next to my (poor excuse of a) bed from my idiot. You gotta be kidding me. First off, puddin-boy can’t get the guts to talk to me. He wrote a note. Wow, no wonder you’ve got ME going toe-to-toe with everything….surprised you don’t send them a note saying “please die” – anyways, I gave Idiot my answer by relieving myself on his bow & arrows. Heh…guess that clam meat was good for something after all. That note did force to take a close look at some of the other pets. Saw a couple bears, wolves, a spider, some snake thing….and then I saw it. I thought Idiot was bad. I thought Wannabe was the worst I had seen. But this takes the cake: A mechanical pet. Like a squirrel or something. Who in the world calls a bucket of bolts their pet? That’s just wrong. It creaks, buzzes, you hear all these gears….and THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING!! No bite, no growl…heck, no lasers from their little mechanical squirrel eyes….they’re just there. What kind of help is that?? It’s bad enough I’ve got to compete with spiders and wolves but now I need to worry about robots? It’s the gnomes making these things, I know….I’ve always thought they could be the easy track to bulking up for hibernation. Gotta pick my moment….
Well, all for now….but for all of you that are worried about ‘the eye’ you may be getting from your pets? Well, it ain’t cuz of me. You need to ask yourself a couple of questions: when was the last time I let my pet have some ‘quality time’ with another of his kind? You sure you’re reading that “eye” right?
I suppose that’d be one good thing about a robot chicken. Loser.


7-14-2005 , Ashenvale
Well, that first column went over like a fart in Teldrassil with my idiot. Since I said I didn’t want the clam meat, now I’m stuck with bread. Bread. What kind of fool expects a bear to do his best by eating bread. So I left him know I don’t like it….and he threatens me with nothing but some fungus food. I’m gonna SO waste him when he’s in his ‘state of rest’.
And about his friend, the wannabe bear..I’m about done with her/him/whatever, too. We’re heading towards the big city across the ocean or something – I think Idiot wanted to meet up with the guild-who-won’t-recognize-me and when we get there, Wannabe is there. OK, fine, I don’t care – I’m talking with the other pets like Ravager and Spidermon, when all of the sudden Wannabe turns into her faux bear form and gets RIGHT OVER ME! She can’t stand still, moving all around. You gotta be kiddin me. There’s gnomes here, you don’t do that. Idiot tells her to leave me alone – good thing cuz I was about to gut her. And I can, too. She said it was just because Idiot keeps crying because I’m so small. I can’t help it if when he ‘tamed me’ (his term, not mine – I got issues there, too), I shrunk. You think I like becoming smaller!?!? Half the reason I’m tolerating all this running he’s doing is that I hope he can loot some type of bear-growth charm.
Now, about this trip to visit his friends. We’re in Ashenvale, and he hops on this flying thing that looks worse than Wannabe’s backside. And he flys away…great. I gotta run to Darkshore, now. What’d he think, that when he took flight I just faded away and would reappear at his beckon call? Fortunately he let me take the boat with him….and then here we go again…I gotta run through the Wetlands, Loch Modan, Searing Gorge (real fun), Blasted Lands…finally getting to this big city. And we didn’t even go in! We took a picture. Woo-woo. I figure after all that we’d take a break. Nope. I gotta run all the way back to Ashenvale. And what do I get for all that? A mushroom.


7-12-2005 , Ashenvale
Hello, I’m Frug… I’m a member of RWOA….well ok, I’m not on the ‘official’ roster since I’m just a bear. My idiot hunter/owner is, though. And since it’s not like I can leave him and start “Rabid Thistle Bears of Auberdine” or something, here I am. Note to whomever is in charge: I should be recognized in the guild. I’ve kicked more butt than my owner as he stays far far away with his little bow and arrows, acting like he’s Green Arrow or Robin Hood…whatever... and he’s got this friend….I dunno…looks like a girl, talks like a guy, but seems ok….and then WHOA…this chick turns into a bear?! Mind you, she's not a real bear. The ears are all wrong, the walk isn’t right….one thing I can’t stand is a ‘wannabe’. But my idiot hunter, in all his infinite wisdom runs with a chick-who-sounds-like-a-guy-but-wants-to-be-a-bear. Yeah, and I’m the one who needs to be trained. I hear all this smack about, “once I get to level blah blah blah, I’m going to put my points into yada yada yada yada…..” Yeah, fine whatever, geek-elf-boy..just feed me. It's the least you can do for me keeping you alive. And no more clam meat. Would you give your momma clam meat? I don’t think so. I know I’m your heavy, the one that saves your butt, but I ain’t planning to do it with clam breath….
Well, why am I here? Apparently, while it seems I’m “not valuable enough” to be on the guild roster, all my griping has done something. I figure they thought I’d shut up if I was busy doing ‘web work’ (HELLO?!?! I’m a b-e-a-r)..but, I’m gonna show them. I got things to say and this is where I’m gonna say it. Check back from time to time so I can tell you the brilliant things my idiot puts me through.
But I’m not alone though: My bud, Pads feels the same way…he’s just waiting for the right moment to off his guy. With all the teasing he gets in the pet circles, it’s only a matter of time. I might get him and some of the others to send something in. Wannabe bears and cats aren't welcome, of course.
Oh, gotta go…here comes idiot with food…oh what’s this? Oh lookeeeee.....spider meat...Greaaaat, you rotten piece of….