Christmas mail

Yeah, I know I haven't posted anything in a while. Big Deal. I've been busy. I made the mistake of offering to take some of the load off of Father Winter, so the punk starts handing out my email address for wish lists. I can't believe some these:

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Dear Santa-Frug,

I wud like a kool new dager fer my rouge four Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer.

yer Frend, Roosr

Dear Roosr,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving Pix the dagger. At least HE can spell!

Frug
____________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa-Frug,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Ysa

Dear Ysa,

Nah, I heard about you. You're getting a thong. And a camera.

Santa-Frug
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Dear Santa-Frug,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
owner’s guild to run MC again, because he’s stabled me until then.
Please see what you can do?

Love, LilTeddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your owner’s busy trying out other pets. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your sorry ass, who cries for food constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice mushrooms instead.

Santa-Frug
__________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa-Frug

I want a helm, a gun, a ring, some trinkets, a necklace, a
Pair of boots, a new mount and a tuba.

Love, Azuae

Dear Azuae,

Who names their kid "Azuae" nowadays? I’m not sure about you , I'll set
you up with a Barbie doll.

Santa-Frug
_________________ ________________________________________________
Dear Santa-Frug,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Kalyma

Dear Kalyma,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
scotch.

Santa-Frug
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Dear Santa-Frug,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?

Your friend, Soup

Dear Soup,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Ashenvale, where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of bear-form druid waitresses while losing
money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa-Frug
________________________________________________________________
Dear Santa-Frug,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?

Love, Lil

Dear Lil,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa-Frug
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Dear Santa-Frug,

I really really want a DM key this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?

Dvornik

Dvornik,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater
again.

Santa-Frug
________________________________________________________________
Dearest Santa-Frug,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Brog

Brog,

First, stop calling yourself "Brog", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

SANTA-FRUG!!!!