Saturday, April 01, 2006

From the mailbag..

This is a good one:
Whine, whine, whine. Man, you don't know how good you have it. You complain that you have to eat clam meat? The demons I keep as slaves would LOVE to get their evil little mitts on some clam meat. Sometimes I'll go to a restaurant and order like a 24-ounce steak, and of course since I'm a petite little gnome I can't eat the whole thing, so I'll just have a few bites and then throw the rest away. That really ticks 'em off, especially my felhunter.

I tell you, your Idiot is even more of a sap than most hunters. If I ever discovered this kind of insolence from one of my minions, I guarantee you there would be more punishment in store than just a meal of fungus. Next time your Idiot is hanging out with a warlock buddy, try chatting it up with whatever pitiful demon is working the shift that day. If they're allowed to speak at all (I cut the tongues out of my demons long ago) they'll relate stories of pain, woe, and anguish so deep and black that mortal creatures cannot comprehend them. That oughtta put things into perspective.

Don't complain about your little stable either. When not in use, my minions languish in a personal hell so depraved that they practically leap for joy once I summon them back.

Man, your sob stories have me so wound up right now. I think I'll go to Darkshore and start murdering bears out of spite.

love, Crystalis

Awright, first're a gnome. I wipe myself with little things like you. You're going to Darkshore to hit the bears there? Heck I'll join you, that whole rabid thistle thing is a joke. Grimclaw is a puddin. You want to impress me? Eat a bear steak in Winterspring.
And that whole thing about your minions being slaves, and cutting their tongues out?? Ummm, that's a little over the top...even for me. You must be a riot at parties. Shame you can't wear leather, cuz it seems as though you'd be all over it..spikes and all. "Say my name, SAY MY NAME....oh wait, the tongue thing..."
Frankly, I thing all you warlocks are repressed deviants...sorta feel sorry for that imp. And it's no mere coincidence that you call summon a suck-ubus....

So, in summary: You're a gnome. But I love you too.

Everyone should check out Crys''s in the links column...


Blogger Christine Doyle said...

Just wanted to drop a note to say thanks for the humorous postings. Your point of view is quite enlightening. Shall have to get me a bear. One day

~Another flip-loving idiot

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Yunk said...

The gnome is correct.

Why just the other day, I went to my trainer who promised me a succubus. And you know what I got instead? A stupid human orphan child!

No matter how many times I slapped him, the child would not work. He wouldn't go get me darkmoon ale ("Mulgore is too scary" he said). He would not wash my feet when I entered my home, wouldn't cook. NOTHING!

So I slapped him, spit on him, poked his eyes out, etc. All he did was say "I'm an orphan. I'm starving! Won't you feed me?" whine whine whine!

Worthless humans.

7:16 AM  
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8:16 PM  

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