Leather....

So I was diggin’ in Idiot’s closet, hoping to find some of that food Wannabe sent to him a while back, but I came across something better. Much better.
Seems my good ole boy was trying to make a move on this lady. She was a seamstress or something. I remember they would talk in chats and mail, but it was some time before they met. One night, Idiot said he was going to meet her…came back really upset. I did my pet thing, walked up to him & could sense he was upset….so I did what every good pet does. Peed on his bow.
Anyways, I found this note that I guess he wanted to send to her, but never finished it. Now it makes sense why he doesn’t talk about her anymore. Man, I wish I had seen this note earlier:

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of another hunter whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short. Not gnome-short, but short. I’m a hunter; I can’t wear anything stronger than leather until I prove myself. What am I supposed to do? I know you like cloth – I really do too, but you know…the guys…..

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Epic leather pants. They’re for hunters..men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it. I'm very tough, you know...I fight often without my bear...

I found the pants. Ultimately they were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly months. I’m pulling them out to taunt Idiot. Heh, heh…..tough guy....

in da butt?!?

Frug note: I found me a little den mother over the weekend, so I'll be taking some time away from the Frug-top, this here's a guest post from Panzer - who seems to have some bigger problems than me at the moment.


You will not believe what happened to me the other day. Lyoness said it was time for me to go to the vet. Being a wild animal, I thought.."what the hell is a VET." I had several thoughts that crossed my mind of what a vet was but nothing compaired to what it ended up being.

1. Being a new type of meat.
2. Being another place for me to run all the way too while the idiot takes a flight.

First Lyoness got this huge crate and stuffed me in it while I fight to try to run out the front door. I actualy made it the first time but the second time. Idiot wraped me up in some Runecloth fabric and stuffed me inside the crate and shut the door. I was stuck while Idiot laughed at me getting untangled from the Runecloth. Then she had a whole bunch of other people tie the crate up on the back of a Griffon.
I was actualy glad that I didnt have to run for once. Although the constant bouncing around inside the crate gave me a few bumps on the head. So here I am, stuck in a crate and wondering WHAT THE HELL is a VET??

We arrive in Stormwind and now the Idiot lets me out of this stupid box that I was stuffed in against my will. I should sue that Idiot for messing up my fur. Course Idiot doesnt care.. oh well.. have to see what this VET thing is.

We walk into a building and before I know it.. some dude wearing a white coat is stuffing things in the WRONG place and saying I need a Rabies shot and pulls this other object and stabs me in the butt with it."Then he says don't you feel better?"
The only way I am going to fell better is when I bite his hand off and stuff it where the sun doesnt shine. GRRRR.

Well now I know what the Vet is.. Some person in a white coat just asking for a decapitation. And speaking of Decapitation..... maybe I should decapitate my Idiot as well. - Panzer

and I bet your momma picks up your room, too

Idiot's not so bad. There's some good things about him, but I just can't get over how dumb he and his 'kind' can be. Always looking to do stuff for other people, it's as if they're all on a special mission or quest to be the HANDMAID of the true losers of the world. For the love of moonkin meat, can't you just tell the sap to go get his own book just down the road?

"Go get this book I left near the bedpan"...."Ohhhh, Thank Yooooouuuu....now can you get my glasses? They were right next to the book...oh but hurry!"

If it were me? I tell you what, how about after you finish wiping yourself, you pick up your own book and bring it with you. Preferably AFTER you wash your hands. What? You need your glasses? Yeah, I saw 'em....and dropped 'em in the bedpan. Maybe you should've tried to mooch someone into cleaning THAT before you started trying to get someone to get the book, lazy punk.

It baffles me how they can get away with it, but then again when I sit back and take a look at Idiot and Wannabe - it's all put in perspective.

Hey Idiot! You see me? See how I'm not smiling? You wanna get the show on the road, dig in those bags and gimme some meat? No, I don't want the mushrooms over there....YOU can't see the bedpan, but I know why those shrooms are so tall...

What do you mean you need to get some orphan kid some ice cream from a goblin just around the corner?!?! If I don't get fed, you'll look pretty funny with an ice cream cone stuck up your......

Here we go again...

I was in Stormwind, just outside the bank by the fountain (I had to go and that's my favorite spot around there) when I saw this little gnome having a hell of a time trying to walk around with this armor much too big for him. Man, I was enjoying see ing this sight..and I wasn't alone; some elves were messing with him. "Does your mom know you're wearing your dad's chestplate?" This little dude got pretty chapped. "YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH ME. I GOT A GANG, A POSSE, WE'RE LIKE THE MAFIA.....I'M GONNA HIT YOU WITH ONE OF THE MANY EGGS I KEEP"

Eggs? Who in the hell keeps eggs with them? A posse? gang? Mafia? What is this, World of HBO? The elves were laughing, he was getting more & more pissed, so I walked up to him and smacked him. Had to. I can't stand hearing a gnome whine.

His helment flew off...and instantly I realized this was the person Wannabe and Idiot sometimes talked about. The "Q man". He was a sap. "I'm gonna get my gang to take you out" Whack. Shaddup Q. "I'm gonna...." Whack. Stupid. "I'm..." Whack. Dam, boy get the hint.

Idiot finally got done in the bank rearranging all his stuff (the pack rat) and pulled me off the little punk.

But not before I peed on him. Like I said, that was my favorite spot.

Toy R Us in Loch Modan

You guys are giving me better material than I could ever come up with....

What up Frug,
I feel like the coolest bear around. My pet Dwarf got together with the rest of the guild to take another picture outside of Stormwind, and who should be right up front dead center? Me, baby! Who needs your name on the roll sheet when you get props like that? The way I figure it, you just have to keep your “handler” in line. Let them know that without you they are nothing. Then all of a sudden, you’ll find them trying out new recipes. No more raw spider meat, now your getting spider-ka-bobs. For instance, I was running behind my dwarf (Scuttle-something-or-another) the other day in Loch Mondan, and decided to stop to catch my breath. Moron didn’t notice and just kept on running! Next thing you know, his little dwarf butt is getting railed on by some mean looking Ogres and I’m laughin my fur off just watching. I’m guessing that’ll be the last time he forgets to make sure I’m step for step with him.
- Ruxpin

The coolest bear around?

Dude, he named you "Ruxpin" - as in "Teddy Ruxpin", a 5 year old's dream in the early 1980's. Your namesake is smaller than a gnome and does less damage than a wisp fart.

Yep, you got him wrapped around your claw. Grrr...whatever...

oooh boy.....NEXT.

Frug..

I'd be careful...

Dear Frug,

The advice you gave me about taking a dump in my owners shoes was not a very good idea. I found out very fast that my idiot owner actualy does have some beast mastery after all.
I have to admit it was funny watching the expression as my idiot put her shoe on in the morning, but all of a sudden I found myself being dragged by the scruff of my neck and getting my nose shoved into the shoe which I left my big surprise in. Now how would you feel if your idiot shoved your face in your own poo???!! Then the next thing I know .... my idiot owner is giving 50 silver pieces to some vender in Wetlands and gets The Daily Aggramar Transcript and rolls the paper up and proceeds who whack me on the butt while yelling "Bad Panzer! Bad Bad Bad Panzer!" I am begining to think my idiot owner maybe a bit more intellegent than your lazy butt idiot. GRRRR...-Panzer

Panzer, what I'm thinkin is that your owner is actually more interested in you than you realize and might just..well, like it rough. All that "Bad Panzer" stuff makes me think she's into a little different roleplaying.

Sleep with your back to the wall.

Frug

Figures.....

Idiot saw my 'observations' about Tabledancer. Apparently, her guild is known as "Udderly Dead" not "Dead Udders".

Oh. OK. That changes everything.


Idiot says he runs around with them sometimes. I need to figure that one out.

Frug

Great...Mad Cow

OK, so you remember that post about me not wanting to see a naked Tauren covered in whip cream?

Frug, OK buddy I resent that statement. First I am a tauren and second my line of work includes me to cover myself in whipcream from time to time. Sticks and Stome won't break my bones, but Tauren Horns will Hurt you.- Tabledancer

Wonderful, so now I've got some horny dairy cow trying to call me out. Man, I need to get out of Ashenvale and find this 'Tabledancer'....I did some checking and I think she's got some gang that calls themselves 'Dead Udders' or something. For some reason, I'm not all that scared.

Next thing you know, I'll be getting heckled from someone in the 'Spoiled Nipples' guild.

All this talk of cow is making me hungry.

I got mail

Panzer said...
Welcome back Frug... I have been needing to speak with you about my Idiot owner. Some nightelf that has turquoise hair. She likes runing in circles getting lost in dungeons and need I say more also likes to take scuicide missions off the side of the high cliffs of Telsadril! I think I will join your movement of Animal Rights.

Panzer,
You gotta understand, it's not really animal rights. There's some real stupid animals out there. Like those crabs. I saw a crab the other day running around with a dwarf and the crab's name was "Fang". Wha? OK, I know - the dwarf is a little ugly idiot for naming the crab that, but the fact that the crab seemed to be all giddy with the "aye, doncha know...I'm a dwarf with crabs" type of attitude. He's just dumb. Start boiling the water, add crab boil and potatoes. Beats the hell out of clam meat, at least.

But to your problem. You've got an elf who likes to jump off the side of a mountain. You need to help her focus on something else. So take a dump in her shoes.
Glad I could help.

Frug.